Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This is classic penis vs brain.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
