i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
