dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
