So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
