I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
