Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
