I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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