Cold hands, warm shart.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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