I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
