Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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