so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She announced her abortion via fbk
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
