I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
