now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
