how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
