I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
