so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
