I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
