we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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