Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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