A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
