Kiss
Puke
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
