3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
