Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
