Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My liver just broke up with me...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
