I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
