Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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