i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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