Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
