you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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