I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
