I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There r osticjed everywhere
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
