how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
