come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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