I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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