The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
either way he was missing a nipple.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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