if i can run in heels then i can drive
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
