I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
