i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
