I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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