Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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