we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
