I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
