Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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