I just pynch a tree in the face
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
