coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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