Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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