Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
