So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
