I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
