so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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