She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
