I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
