just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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